In this proposal the intended audience for Project IV is:
· Those with family members in the cemeteries that have been affected by the destruction.Why should your audience care about the topic and your proposal?
· My audience should care about my topic and proposal because it affects their community.
One thing I think I did well in my proposal is:
· I clearly identified the issue and why it is important.
One thing I am not so sure about in my proposal is:
· There could be more details, but I need to find more sources.
Historical cemeteries daily are becoming a less known facet in our society today. Many archaeologists argue that every day there are cemeteries that are being forgotten whether it is from modern construction or just not being taken care of in the community. Even more so, cemeteries are simply abandoned. Through discovering the forgotten cemetery in Tom Sawyer Park, I have personally witnessed cemeteries being forgotten and have become interested in the subject.
In this paper, I will argue that it is very important for individuals and communities to take care of and restore their cemeteries. Attention needs to be paid to them because cemeteries are a place of reverence and sacred value. Another aspect that they provide is particular information on sickness, fighting, economics, family dynamics through tombstones found in historic cemeteries. This is an important issue because it is occurring all across the nation in many communities, especially our own cemeteries in Louisville. Action needs to be taken to preserve these important sites especially if you have witnessed the abandonment firsthand such as I have, or if your family has been affected because of ancestors who have been buried in these cemeteries.
I will concentrate primarily on the conservation of specific cemeteries in our Louisville community such as the Central State Hospital Cemetery in Tom Sawyer Park and Eastern Cemetery. These specific cemeteries have been exposed to abandonment, misuse, vandalizing, and even mass burial. Thousands of people have been buried in these sites, with many family members not even recognizing that this is occurring to their ancestors. If cemeteries continue to become forgotten and disappear, then we will lose much historical and genealogical information provided by the cemeteries.
1.Is the intended audience (as stated in the writer’s statement) evident?
ReplyDeleteThe audience is the community but there is not a clear reason as to why I should care if the cemeteries are forgotten or destroyed.
How do you know?
I just didn't feel like it applied to me.
Also, does the writer use “I think,” “I believe, “I plan..,” or any other redundant phrases. If so, let them know that these need to be changed and/or deleted.
No.
2. Is there a concise discussion of the subject/topic being proposed?
Yes.
What is the topic and where in the proposal is it first mentioned?
The topic is about the destruction of local cemeteries and is first mentioned in the first and second paragraphs.
3. Is there a concise discussion of the intended focus, aka, thesis statement?
Yes.
What is the intended focus statement, and where does it fall in the proposal (what paragraph?)
"In this paper, I will argue that it is very important for individuals and communities to take care of and restore their cemeteries." It is the first sentence of the second paragraph
4. What is the rationale for choosing the subject/topic? Who cares, or should care? Why?
This was not as clear. Even though I am a caring guy I feel it still wouldn't really matter to me unless I knew someone buried in the cemetery being destroyed.
5. Answer this question:
The writer makes me care about __cemeteries__, by stating _Why? Not completely sure_.
Overall I feel your proposal was written according to the format I just felt it wasn't clear who you were writing too. Otherwise it was good.
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